Not On Your Life!
by Kara J
Summary: Pippin bets Merry that he can stay out of trouble for a week, Merry's out to prove him wrong. Rating likely to go up for alcohol cosumption and humor.
1. Prologue

Not on your Life! A Took's Tale  
  
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.  
  
Author's Note: Just a matter of the timeline: This story takes place before the quest to Mount Doom. Oh yeah, Please Read and Review!  
  
Prologue  
  
"Merry! Come on!" Pippin whispered. Gaffer was almost on them and Pippin wasn't in the mood to watch pigs for the second time that week. The two hobbits ran around the back of the hobbit-hole and towards the wood. Every day they went, hiding from parents and annoying chores.  
  
"You think they would have us figured out by now." Merry replied looking over his shoulder towards Hobbiton.  
  
"Ah, they're too lazy to try to keep up with us, we're too fast for them."  
  
"What shall we do today, Pip?"  
  
The boys looked around them, always an eye open for mushrooms.  
  
"I was thinking we'd give Frodo a little visit, he's always out here with his books."  
  
"I don't understand," Merry, replied, "I thought he already read the books Gandalf brought him."  
  
Pip said with a smirk. "Who said he was reading?"  
  
Merry laughed again.  
  
"I always do my best to stay away from that bloody wizard." Pippin said.  
  
"I bet you would! After that escapade with his hat, only you would be stupid enough to run off and leave it in the wood."  
  
Pippin frowned, thinking back to the search for the Wizard hat and the punishment that followed. He shivered. Merry laughed.  
  
"I don't know why I put up with you, you always get me into trouble. Saradoc's threatened to disown me if we mess with Gandalf again."  
  
"Well you're old man's got nothing to worry about. I've matured. I have no need for silly pranks."  
  
Merry stopped, laughing. "No you haven't! You'll always be the silly Took you've always been! The day you mature is the day I give up the drink!"  
  
"Would you like to make a small wager on that?" Pippin said. He was slightly miffed that Merry didn't have faith in him.  
  
"You can't be serious! You can't last a day without getting into trouble! You're on!"  
  
"And I know you can't live without beer! Alright then, I bet I can stay out of trouble for a week." Pippin replied  
  
"And if you don't?"  
  
"I'll buy you beer for a month. And the same goes for you. When I win," Pippin paused grinning  
  
"It's your funeral." Merry said seriously.  
  
The Hobbits shook hands. 


	2. Mmm Cherry Pie!

Not on Your Life! A Took's Tale  
  
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.  
  
Thanks for the reviews:  
  
Allora Gale: Thanks, there's more to come.  
  
Ivory Tower: Definitely!  
  
Telpenauriel Manbelth: Don't worry, Red Demon and I know First Aid! Also I think this next chapter will help. Red Demon says to breath more often when screaming No.  
  
MEsTuPgCsCrEaMeR: Here's more, Thanks for reviewing.  
  
Author Babble:  
  
Red Demon: MAWAHAHAHAH! I have taken over the KEYBOARD MAWAHAHAHAHA! *Damn I'd be a good orc..*  
  
Kara J: Crap she got out again. (Chases RD with pointy stick)  
  
Red Demon: (Impersonating Stitch from Disney) But I'm OH So CUTE AD FLUFFY!!!! (Makes flying leap over couch barely dodging stick)  
  
Kara J: Must invest in better bars for cage! (Runs with stick, pokes self in eye by accident) *whine* Ow!  
  
Red Demon: Maybe we should get back to the story..  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 Mmm Cherry Pie!  
  
The Hobbits continued on; Pippin cursed at Merry silently. Unknowingly Merry was doing the same to Pip. Pippin looked up ahead and saw Frodo underneath a tree, open book on his chest with his face to the sky. He was thinking about what it would be like to travel like his Uncle Bilbo, to slay dragons and come back home with great wealth. Frodo turned his head, looked at them and got up quickly.  
  
"Merry! Pippin! How-" Frodo stopped noticing the looks on the boys faces. They looked like they had lost their best friend.  
  
"What up with you guys? Did Rosie kick you out of the Green Dragon again? I told you if you want beer, don't sing!"  
  
"No Frodo, we've made a bet. Merry here, doesn't think I can go a week without getting into trouble! Why I'm nearly 30, I've matured, I tell you."  
  
Frodo and Merry laughed. Pippin scowled at them.  
  
"Pip, most people don't have to prove how mature they are, they just.are." Merry said stifling the giggles.  
  
A picture of a stuffy, old Pippin sitting alone with his beer stein came to Frodo. "You wouldn't be you, if you weren't always pulling pranks and getting into trouble."  
  
Pippin sighed. "People don't respect, pranksters. They don't see the creative aspect to it, nor do they realize how much thought goes into it."  
  
Frodo and Merry laughed again.  
  
"I'll make it Meriadoc Brandybuck! I've changed my ways. I don't care what you two think. I thought at least you, Frodo, would have faith in me."  
  
"You're a Took. You're notorious for being in trouble. You're going to have to do a lot of convincing to be considered mature." Frodo replied as he picked up his book.  
  
Merry sat down under the tree where Frodo's book had been. The other two joined him. "Your mother was a Took, Frodo. You have in you too, and you're not always in trouble."  
  
"He's in trouble more than you know. Bilbo's after him quite regularly to do chores and clean up around Bag End."  
  
Frodo looked up at the sky. The wind had shifted and the clouds were growing dark. Merry and Pippin followed his gaze.  
  
"Doesn't look like we'll be able to do much exploring today, Pip."  
  
"Come on, let's go to Bag End. I'll make some tea. Bilbo's gone and left a pie from Mrs. Maggot."  
  
"Pie! It wouldn't happen to be a cherry one would it?" Pippin's face lit up. "She makes the best Cherry pies ever!"  
  
"Have you been 'borrowing' her pies again?" Merry asked looking for anything that would show that Pippin was in trouble.  
  
Pip paused. "No, she gave mother one last week. Nice try."  
  
*Rats*. Merry started walking back to Hobbiton. "Wait a minute! We can't go back home, you were supposed to take care of the pigs today, remember? If you Dad sees us you're dead meat and, I win." Merry paused. *Stupid!* "I mean, uh, let's go back home quick! Mmm, cherry pie! Merry rubbed his belly hoping Pippin didn't figure out what he said before. Frodo smiled.  
  
"I'm not as stupid as you think Merry! Frodo can run home and get us the pie! Right Frodo?"  
  
Frodo sighed. "You can't be seriously thinking of staying out here with a storm coming!"  
  
"Please can you just get the pie? We'll figure that out later." "We could just go home, Pip. A nice warm fire, soft bed."  
  
"NO! If we go home now, I get into trouble and you win."  
  
Raindrops started to fall.  
  
"I'm going home, you're both nuts." Frodo said with his hands over his head. "And I'm NOT bringing the pie out!"  
  
A crack of thunder was heard and right on cue, the rain fell harder.  
  
"Frodo wait, maybe you can help us get back home." Pippin was shivering now. "We can't stay out here, we'll freeze."  
  
"Pippin, are you giving up?"  
  
"No. Frodo can help sneak us back into town. How long is Bilbo gone for?"  
  
"A week or so.no! You're parents are around all the time, you can't expect to be able to hide at my place?"  
  
"It's better than standing out here getting drenched! Merry shouted.  
  
"All right! You two stay here and I'll get the wagon. You can hide underneath the tarp in the back."  
  
With that Frodo left. The two hobbits looked at each other.  
  
"If you weren't so stubborn we'd be back home enjoying pie right now! Just admit it, you can't do it!"  
  
Pippin scowled. "You just want your beer! I'm not letting you win!"  
  
Merry and Pippin continued to argue until they saw Frodo come up the hill with the wagon. The scrambled in the back and pulled the tarp over themselves. The trio went on to Hobbiton.  
  
Author's Note: I know it's short, just think of it as keeping in the Hobbit tradition! There's more coming, don't worry. This is my first fic, and you all have been great. 


	3. A Scarlet Pimpernel

Not on Your Life! A Took's Tale  
  
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.  
  
Warning: There is a slight reference to slash here, but only to show that Sam is quite a fruity hobbit sometimes. Nothing against Sam, he's a very loyal and dedicated friend. This is only meant to be humorous. It stems from a personal joke.  
  
Thanks for the reviews: Cherryblossom: Thank you! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.  
  
Storm Elf: I fear for their sanity as well, we will have to see what happens. Thanks for reading.  
  
Author Babble:  
  
Red Demon: (Knawing on Titanium bars on cage) Stupid Hobbit lover. Puts me in cage again. (Stops knawing) When I get out of here I'm gonna stuff you in this thing and see how you like it.  
  
Kara J: Right. How many teeth have you broken so far? Never mind, continue knawing.  
  
Red Demon: (flips bird to older friend before starting to sing little rhyme) When I gets a fidgeting then I just takes me Ritalin.  
  
Kara J: Time to get you more medication.  
  
Chapter 2 A Scarlet Pimpernel  
  
Frodo drove up to the gate with Merry and Pippin in the back of the wagon.  
  
"Mr. Frodo! I was getting worried where have you been?"  
  
"Nowhere, Sam."  
  
"What's in the back of the wagon, Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"If you don't mind Sam, I'd like to get in the house."  
  
"Oh, right! Of course Mr. Frodo."  
  
The rain was falling harder now and the sky was black.  
  
Merry whispered to Pippin. "He's not going to leave us here, is he?"  
  
"He better not. I'm getting cold." Pippin whispered back.  
  
The two hobbits heard Frodo and Sam go up the step and close the door.  
  
"What? He's leaving us here?" Pippin was getting scared now.  
  
"He wouldn't, I'm sure he's just trying to get rid of Sam or something."  
  
Ten minutes later, and the two were still in the wagon. Suddenly the tarp was ripped off them.  
  
"Ahhhhh!" Both hobbits screamed.  
  
"Shh. Get into the house before anyone sees you!"  
  
Frodo shut the green door and lit a candle.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sam wouldn't leave. Something about wanting to give me a bath, it didn't make any sense."  
  
Merry and Pippin looked at each other and started laughing.  
  
"Come get some tea."  
  
The three hobbits went into the kitchen. There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Quick, hide!" Frodo whispered.  
  
The other two hobbits went running. Their feet were loud on the wood floor. Pippin ran into the parlor and hid under a chair and Merry ran into Frodo's room and slid under the bed. Frodo rolled his eyes, and went to the door.  
  
"Frodo! Pippin and Merry are here. Don't lie to me I heard something in there. I can recognize Pip's running anywhere! They need to go home now!" Pippin's sister Pimpernel pushed her way inside.  
  
"Wait, Pimpernel! They're not here."  
  
"Peregrin Took! I know you're here! You need to come home with me now!" Pimpernel walked into the parlor shouting. She stopped and listened Frodo followed. Pippin held his breath as her feet passed in front of his face.  
  
"Pimpernel! Please just go home. They're safe I promise."  
  
"I don't really care how safe they are! I'm not allowed to come back home without him with me. Please just show me where they are."  
  
"I don't know where they are."  
  
"Well then. I'm staying. I can't go home unless Pippin comes with me. I hope you have room for three of us Frodo, I know Merry's here as well. I'd swear they're attached at the hip!"  
  
Pimpernel sat down on the chair. Pippin's face was turning blue.  
  
"Pimpernel, go home and tell your parents he'll be home soon."  
  
"Honestly Frodo! Why are you protecting them. They need to learn to be home on time! Pippin lets GO!"  
  
Just as Pimpernel was getting up, Pippin grabbed her ankles causing to fall face first. Pimpernel let out a shriek. Still on the floor, she spun around coming nose to nose with her little brother. She pulled his nose and shouted.  
  
"Peregrin Took! Why I otta.!  
  
Pippin slid out and torn his sister's hand off his nose. "Pimpernel! Fancy meeting you here, oh and by the way you fell like a sack of potatoes. You might consider getting something to clear up that weight problem."  
  
Pimpernel's face turned red. "WEIGHT PROBLEM! You're one to talk Mr. I-have- to-eat-every-three-seconds! Enough of these games, you're coming home NOW!" Pippin suddenly regretted insulting his sister. "Please can we stay.really now what is there at home? Nothing. Besides Frodo's going to make a fresh pot of tea and there's a Cherry Pie."  
  
"Well, you have a point there. Mother would just put me to work anyway."  
  
"And it is a bit wet out." Merry said walking into the room. *I want pie!*  
  
"Well I guess so, as long as it's ok with Frodo." Pimpernel cast a glance Frodo's way.  
  
"Certainly!" *Will I never get rid of these two?*  
  
Frodo led the way into the kitchen and put the pot on the stove. Merry, Pippin and Pimpernel sat down at the table. Pimpernel took off her wet cloak and took it out to the hall tree. Merry waited until the girl was out of earshot and whispered.  
  
"That's it, Pip. You lose!"  
  
"No I don't. I technically haven't done anything wrong until I'm caught by the person that I did it to."  
  
"Well, you're as good as dead in my books." Merry replied.  
  
"Bananas!" Pippin said as her heard his sister returning.  
  
Pimpernel sat down again.  
  
"Pippin doesn't want to go home, because he'll get in trouble!" Merry blurted out.  
  
"No Fair! Cheater! You can't do that you, turkey!"  
  
"Do what?" Pimpernel asked confused "Why don't you want to go home, Pip?" She said in a quiet voice.  
  
"Pippin I'm sorry but she was going to find out sooner or later. Pimpernel, Merry and Pippin made a bet that Pippin was mature enough to stay out of trouble for a week. If he lost, he would have to buy Merry beer for a month. If he won Merry would have to buy him beer." Frodo said. *Now she'll take them home and I can get back to my book.*  
  
"I would have preferred later." Pippin muttered  
  
"Pippin, are you crazy! How did you expect to do that! You're always in trouble, and over beer at that!"  
  
"I wanted to prove that I'm not the immature prankster that everyone thinks I am."  
  
"But you wouldn't be you if you didn't pull pranks and always get into trouble."  
  
"That's what Frodo said."  
  
"Is he in trouble? Is he in trouble?" Merry couldn't hold back his excitement.  
  
"If he is, he's not the only one. Seems to me Meriadoc, you spend a lot of you're time pulling pranks or doing punishment, too."  
  
Merry face turned red. "So what now? You're going to take us home and let us get into more trouble?"  
  
"I should, but quite honestly I can't let my brother lose to a Brandybuck. Frodo, can they stay here for the week?"  
  
"Might as well, Bilbo's gone." *Crap, I'm stuck with them for a whole WEEK!*  
  
Pippin let out a hoot. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"  
  
Merry scowled.  
  
"But you have to promise me you won't leave this house once. No one is to know you're here."  
  
"I promise." Pippin said quickly.  
  
"Wait a minute; you can't go home either Pimpernel. You said you weren't allowed to go home without him." Merry said pointing a thumb out at Pip.  
  
"Hmmm. That's right, oh well. I'll just go and stay with Rosie for a while." *They won't be here long if I know Merry. He can't go two days without beer.* "Merry?"  
  
"I promise." He said quietly.  
  
The tea kettle whistle blew. Frodo brought it over to the table and poured the hot water into the tea pot. "At least stay for some tea and pie before you head back out there, Pimpernel."  
  
"Thank you. I think I will." 


	4. Of Chess and Beer

Not on Your Life! A Took's Tale  
  
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.  
  
Author Babble: Kara J: Ok on with chapter three..  
  
Red Demon (Laying on bottom of cage) Can't take it anymore! Please just one picture!  
  
Kara J: Picture of who?  
  
Red Demon: Whom.  
  
Kara J: Whom! Whom do you want a picture of?  
  
Red Demon: Legolas. *sigh*  
  
Kara J: Legolas! Oh you mean Pointy-Eared Bow-Twanger, Leggy Lou Lou, Lego Lassie, Long Ears.  
  
Red Demon: (Jumps up in cage) Don't EVER Call him LONG EARS! EVER! His Name is Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood! Bow down and worship him!  
  
Kara J: Why do you always have to bring 'Long Ears' into my stories? You're obsessed.  
  
Red Demon: Well at least I'm not in love with short, fat, hairy-footed hobbits!  
  
Kara J: They're not fat! And I'm not in love with them! Besides if I did, I'd make them shave their feet.  
  
Red Demon: Legolas doesn't need to shave his feet! And He can walk on snow! I like to see you're short, fat hobbitses do that!  
  
Kara J: You're starting to sound a lot like Gollum. Better not let you near the Ring anytime soon.  
  
Red Demon: At least if I saw you do a Gollum impression I wouldn't shriek like a baby and try to kick you in the face!  
  
Kara J: Shut up or I'll burn the picture.  
  
Red Demon: If you do that and I get out you will rue the day you called him long ears because by the time I'm finished with you you're ears will be bigger then that reject Dobbie or what ever he's called from Harry POT HEAD!  
  
Kara J: Issues!  
  
Thanks for the reviews:  
  
Lady Laura: We'll all have to wait and see who wins the bet. Don't worry there's more coming!  
  
Meep: Thanks, it nice to hear that people enjoy my work. I'm trying to read at least one thing of everybody that's reviewed me. It's taking a while.  
  
Ivory Tower: After I wrote about the Cherry Pie that was all I could think of! I haven't had a good piece of cherry pie in ages! *drool*  
  
Storm Elf: Welcome to the Dark Ages! The pain has only just begun.  
  
Chapter Three Of Chess and Beer  
  
When the Hobbits finished up the pie and tea, Pimpernel and Frodo started cleaning up. Merry and Pippin went into the parlor by the fire.  
  
"Frodo? Is it really all right for them to stay here? I know they can get annoying and Bilbo's not around to keep them in control."  
  
"I guess so. I was looking forward to a quiet week to myself, but I think we'll be OK."  
  
"Thank you again." Pimpernel put the last dish in the cupboard. "Well I better be off, I don't think it's raining as much as before. If you need me I'm at Rosie's. If my parents come here don't let them find Pippin and tell them where I am. I don't think they'll be too worried. Pippin and Merry have run away before."  
  
Frodo and Pimpernel went in to the Parlor and found Merry and Pippin playing chess.  
  
"I'm going now, Pippin. I don't want either of you out of this house. Merry, if can't handle being alcohol free you can give up at any time. There's plenty of beer at the Green Dragon."  
  
"I think I'll be fine Pimpernel! You should be more concerned about you brother! He can't even win a chess game!"  
  
Pimpernel muttered something underneath her breath about an idiot Brandybuck as she buttoned up her cape. Frodo walked her to the door.  
  
"Please don't let Merry win. I don't think I can handle him putting down Pippin any more." Pimpernel whispered.  
  
"It's getting to me as well. I'll do my best." Frodo replied closing the door behind the girl.  
  
Frodo walked back into the parlor. "How about a drink, Pip?" Frodo winked  
  
At the word 'drink' Merry's head went up. "What kind of drink are you talking about, Frodo?"  
  
"Oh you know, the malted kind. Beer."  
  
Pippin smiled. "I'd love one!"  
  
"You can't be serious! You're on his side, Frodo?"  
  
"I'm not on anyone's side I'm just feeling a bit thirsty." He replied.  
  
"Why can't you have a mug of water then?!" Merry said exasperated.  
  
"Bilbo's not around and it's the perfect time to sample some of the vintage ale." Frodo replied.  
  
"Now Pip, would you like a pint or just a half?"  
  
"You have full PINTS?!" Merry shouted.  
  
"A pint please, Frodo." Pippin replied grinning. "You know Merry, you could join us?"  
  
"Very funny! I haven't forgotten the reason we're here. I'll be fine, just go ahead and drink your pint!"  
  
"Fine, it's your funeral." Pippin replied smugly.  
  
Frodo went out to the kitchen and brought two pints back into the parlor. He placed one on the table in between both Merry and Pippin. Merry's eyes grew big. Pippin leaned over and picked up the mug, brought it to his nose and inhaled.  
  
"Mmm.That my friend, is a good mug of beer!"  
  
Merry drooled. Realizing what he was doing he turned his attention back to the chess board. Pippin looked at Merry, took a drink and placed the mug back where Frodo left it in front of Merry.  
  
Merry looked up at the mug.  
  
"Get that thing off the board! I thought we were playing a game here?"  
  
"I forfeit." Pippin replied picking up the mug again. "This is great Frodo! Many thanks."  
  
Frodo smiled. "Well there's a lot more where that came from. Feel free to have all you want."  
  
Merry stared at Frodo. "You can't be serious! You'll let Pip drink all the beer he wants?"  
  
"He's a guest in my home; he can have anything he wants." Frodo replied with a smirk.  
  
"Thanks Frodo." Pippin said before guzzled down the whole thing in front of a wide-eyed Merry.  
  
"Well I'll be! That has got to be the most I've seen you drink in my life!"  
  
Pippin let out a massive belch.  
  
"Yep. Well, it's all thanks to some excellent practice." Pippin replied. "I think I'll have another. Oh, don't bother getting up Frodo, I can get it."  
  
"It's in the cellar, next to the onions." Frodo replied.  
  
Merry rolled his eyes. He was starting to feel the need for a beer now that he wasn't occupied. *Must fight it. Can't let Pippin win!*  
  
Pippin came back in with his mug full and sat down. Merry noticed Pippin eyes were getting heavy and looked at Frodo. Frodo appeared fine; he still had at least half a mug left and looked like he was going to take his time with it. He looked back at Pippin; half of the mug was gone.  
  
"Well I'm getting tired boys. I think I'll turn in. Where are we sleeping Frodo?" Merry asked.  
  
"You two can share Bilbo's room. There's the bed and I'll go get the cot." Frodo finished his mug and took it with him out in search for the extra cot.  
  
"You want to go to bed already? But the fun just started!" Pippin eyes were glazed and he had a crooked grin on his face. Merry smiled. "Yeah, if we're stuck in this house I might as well sleep. There's nothing else to do."  
  
"Spoilsport!" Pippin slurred.  
  
"It's all set up Merry!" Frodo shouted from the nearby room.  
  
Merry got up and walked out leaving Pippin with his now empty mug. A few minutes later Pippin stumbled into Bilbo's bedroom and clasped on the cot. Frodo could be heard in the next room getting ready for bed.  
  
*Perfect!* Merry thought.  
  
A few minutes later Merry heard Pippin snoring. Merry waited a few more minutes, snuck out of the room and headed for the cellar. 


	5. Two Stinky Hobbits and A Frodo Out of Hi...

Not on Your Life! A Took's Tale  
  
Disclaimer: The Hobbits belong to J. R.R. Tolkien and are not of my creation and I make no money from this or other stories involving them, this is purely a non-profit fiction of my creation in honor of the book & movies. However this storyline is mine.  
  
Thanks for the reviews: Spontly: Thanks for reviewing! I'd like to be able to read something of yours soon, so please get writing!  
  
Koko Kung: Wow! I'm proud. That's the best words I've heard so far! Thank you very much! (Kara J puts on a formal gown and pretends to hold an Oscar) "They like me! They really like me! I'd like to thank the Academy, my manager.."  
  
Storm Elf: I appreciate it when other author's acknowledge that I've reviewed them, so I thought I'd do the same with my work. It I haven't really gotten any critical reviews yet. It would be nice to know what I can improve on for the next chapters or even future stories, but it always great to hear about the things that people really enjoyed.  
  
Death-To-The-Pointy-Eared-One: Tied up Merry. Hmmm, I would have way too much fun with that. Enjoy the next chapter!  
  
Straightjackets-R-Us: I was wondering if anyone would catch on about the title of Chapter 2. You made my day!  
  
Author Babble:  
  
Kara J: (stretch) Chapter four coming up..  
  
Red Demon: Don't you have a math exam to study for?  
  
Kara J: Yeah so do you. I've studied more than you have!  
  
Red Demon: Why are you wasting your time on fan fiction?  
  
Kara J: I have fans to please. You know what happens when the fans aren't happy? NO ONE'S HAPPY!  
  
Red Demon: Screw the fans! It's all about expressing yourself. Who care's what other people think?  
  
Kara J: I write for myself, but I know how much it sucks when you're left wondering how things work out in a story, I don't like doing that too much to people.  
  
Red Demon: When did you become so caring? You're never that nice to me.  
  
Kara J: That's because you're always prattling on about Legolas and how he's so much better than everybody else on the planet, it gets annoying!  
  
Red Demon: (Quietly) No I don't. (Pulls out Legolas poster and snuggles it.)  
  
Kara J: You do and you know it! Quit distracting me!  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Two Stinky Hobbits and A Frodo Out of His Tree! (Sing to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas)  
  
Frodo heard footsteps outside his room. He sat up in bed and listened. He hadn't slept a wink. He waited until the footsteps were farther away and got out of bed. Frodo opened the door and peeked out. He saw what looked like the top of Merry's shadow. *He's going to the cellar! Wow, that was quick!* Frodo followed, listening.  
  
"AHHHHHH!"  
  
"Got you! You sneaky little cheater! Frodo told me what was going on so I stayed down here to guard the beer!"  
  
"What! You didn't go home? You've been here all night? Frodo said you left!"  
  
Frodo walked into the cellar to find Sam holding Merry's hand behind his back. "I knew you'd be down here sooner or later, Merry."  
  
"Does Pippin know Sam's here?"  
  
"I imagine so. He went to get the second mug of beer remember? He would have found Sam hiding down here."  
  
Merry squirmed. "Can you call off the guard dog Frodo?"  
  
"Sam you can let him go now. I've saved you a piece of pie for your trouble and then you can go home."  
  
"That'd be great Mr. Frodo. I'm awful tired."  
  
"I guess Pippin won then, eh Merry?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you tell him tomorrow? I don't think I could stand listening to him gloat anymore than I have to!" Merry said exasperated.  
  
"Merry, I think I'll let you do the honors. Let's all go upstairs then."  
  
The three hobbits headed back upstairs and Frodo gave Sam his piece of pie and sent him home. Merry went back to bed. He accidentally hit Pippin's cot as he made his way to the bed.  
  
Pippin stirred. "Is it morning already? Just five more minutes Mom." He murmured and fell back asleep.  
  
Merry climbed in between the covers thinking of how he was going to get out of this one.*I've been caught, yes. But Pippin doesn't know it and Frodo is going to let me tell him. I just won't tell him! Frodo won't know the difference and neither will Pip! That's it!* Merry retreated into sleep with a smile on his face.  
  
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
The hobbits awoke the next morning to find the ground spotted with puddles and the grass shining. Pippin normally would have enjoyed this except he was bent over the kitchen table holding his head in his hands. The sun was directly in his eyes and he was starting to stink. Pippin squinted. *How much longer is this going to have to go on? I don't know how much more I can handle if Merry doesn't give in. I wonder how Sam is doing?* Frodo walked and shielded his eyes from the sun. Before sitting down he pulled the curtains.  
  
"How'd you sleep Pip?"  
  
Pippin lifted his eyes implying not very well.  
  
"I need clothes Frodo. Can you somehow get me some from home?"  
  
"You can wash them here. I'm too lazy to go and get you clothes."  
  
"Can you ask Pimpernel to get them for me?"  
  
"No! How am I supposed to do that?"  
  
Just then Merry walked out. His shirt and trousers were wrinkled. He squinted "What time is it?"  
  
"Eightish." Frodo replied.  
  
Merry looked down at his armpit and sniffed. "I think I need a bath, Frodo."  
  
"I should've stuck you outside last night with a bar of soap." Frodo replied. Pippin grunted, he was in too much pain to comment.  
  
"The fair hobbit lasses wouldn't have been able to handle the full Meriadoc Brandybuck!" Merry replied with a grin. "They'd all be in love with me, banging down the door wanting to take me to the Green Dragon."  
  
Pippin groaned. Merry's remarks weren't helping his headache. "Think again, Merry. Remember when Pearl, Rosie and Pimpernel stole our clothes when we went swimming at the Ferry? You screamed like a little girl when you thought they had seen you shirtless. "I've been violated!" Pippin imitated a younger Merry screaming.  
  
Frodo started making Porridge while the cousins bickered  
  
Merry blushed. "Easy for you to say! They're your sisters!"  
  
"Rosie isn't."  
  
"Rosie doesn't count; she practically lived at your house until she started working!" Merry retorted.  
  
"Enough!" Frodo shouted. "Let's have breakfast and then I figure out what we can do about clothes." Frodo place the porridge down in front of the boys.  
  
"Porridge! I hate Porridge!" Both cousins shouted.  
  
Frodo rolled his eyes. "Eat it or eat nothing."  
  
"Frodo, you seriously need a woman around here. How do you and Bilbo survive?" Pippin asked  
  
"You two are spoiled. You have mothers and sisters to take care of you. Bilbo couldn't be motherly if he tried." Frodo replied.  
  
Pippin and Merry were silent thinking of Frodo's deceased parents.  
  
"Eat it." Frodo said trying not to think of his mother.  
  
Pippin looked down at his bowl; he was really wanting to go home now.  
  
"What are we going to do about clothes, Frodo?" Pippin asked  
  
"I don't know!" Frodo said exasperated, "You can have baths and then wash your clothes afterward."  
  
"I don't want to wash my clothes!" Merry said, "Why can't we get Pimpernel to get us some more?"  
  
"Because that would possibly get us all in trouble if she was caught. You're going to have to do it yourselves." Frodo replied  
  
Pippin groaned playing with his porridge. *Am I going to lose to Merry? I can't lose to Merry!*  
  
The hobbits finished their food, or at least attempted to finish. Pippin wasn't very hungry for once in his life. He was feeling really sick and just wanted to go home, but couldn't. Frodo looked over Merry, he knew Merry hadn't said anything to Pippin otherwise they'd be long gone out of the house. Pippin left the table and went back to Bilbo's room and crashed on the bed.  
  
"You haven't told Pippin yet have you?"  
  
"Well, no, because there's nothing to tell. I didn't drink anything so you can't say that I lost. I didn't have a chance to drink anything; Sam caught me first when I got down there."  
  
"We all know that you were after the beer, other wise you wouldn't have been down there after we all had gone to bed."  
  
"I was sleep walking. I do it a lot at home."  
  
"You just happened to sleepwalk towards the beer, right?"  
  
"Right!" Merry said relieved  
  
"Wrong! Tell him or I will!"  
  
"You tell him." Merry replied quickly  
  
Frodo rolled his eyes. The two hobbits went to tell Pippin only to find him asleep.  
  
"How can he be asleep already? He just woke up!" Frodo exclaimed.  
  
"Pippin can sleep at anytime. Just give him somewhere soft and he's out like my sisters pipe." Merry whispered. *Yay! He still doesn't know!*  
  
Frodo tried to wake up Pippin. He shouted in his ears, jumped on him, went and poured water on him but nothing worked.  
  
"Help me, Merry! Who cares if you lose, at least you can go home."  
  
"Really now Frodo, surely you must know by now that the only way to wake him up is like this." Merry sat down beside Pippin and calmly said, "You know Pippin, they're giving away beer at the Free Dragon today only. All you can drink."  
  
Pippin sat straight up. "They are! Really!"  
  
"No not really!" Merry said laughing  
  
"Merry has something to tell you Pippin."  
  
"Um yeah.. I...I'm.going to let you have a bath first, enjoy!"  
  
Pippin rolled over. "I don't want to take a bath."  
  
"Aw come on, you'll feel better afterward." Frodo said *Stupid Merry!*  
  
"Taking a bath means having to wash clothes and I don't want to wash clothes." Pip replied  
  
"You're both so lazy! Merry if you would just tell him what you're supposed to tell him, neither of you would have to worry about washing clothes!  
  
Pippin looked up. "Tell me, Merry! Can we go home now?" 


End file.
